Posts Tagged bad movie

July 23, 2006 – Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell

Teaching English overseas is a fun way to make some money and have some life experiences. Finding the right balance of experiences and saving money can be a challenge. When you are away in a fun, exciting, foreign country like Japan for a year or less, you want to get out and do everything that is available. It’s easy to end up spending as much or more than you earn.

The teachers who hang around longer than a year all find different ways to balance experience vs. savings. I have been doing my best to send some money home to pay off student loans while still getting out and experiencing the country occasionally. One of the best ways I have learned to save money is to find something fun to do at home instead of going out to the izakaya or karaoke for the 900th time.

Tonight, in the interest of being fiscally responsible, I invited some people over to watch Mystery Science Theater 3000 presenting the classic film “Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell”. Please note: the term “classic” is not an indication of quality in this case.

DSatWfH is actually the third movie in the Deathstalker series. It’s the kind of movie you would get if a group of rich teenagers decided to act out their latest D&D session using only props and costumes they had around the house.

Although I did save money by staying in, I ended up spending more than expected on all of the beer I needed to survive this movie.

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January 5, 2005 pt2 – Catwoman is simply awful

After some weather related delays in Winnipeg, I finally got to Minneapolis with 3 hours before my flight to Tokyo. I grabbed a few souvenirs for The Penpal and her family in the airport, then went to the gate to hang out before my flight.

As we got close to boarding time, Northwest announced that the flight to Tokyo was overbooked, and they were looking for volunteers to take the next day’s flight. They were offering $750 in flight credits and a free night in a hotel. I started considering spending the rest of the day at Mall of America and using $750 towards a future flight home. I then remembered that I was scheduled to work the day after I got back to Japan, and didn’t have the contact information to inform NOVA that I would miss my shift. Also, the flight credit was only good for a year, and I wasn’t sure when I would be coming home again. As much as I like free money, it wasn’t a good choice so I stayed quiet as they kept searching for volunteers.

The flight to Tokyo left on time, and I settled in for 12 hours in a tiny airplane seat. They showed 3 movies on the flight, Shark Tale (good), Little Black Book (which I slept through), and Catwoman.

I have seen some bad movies in my time. Terrible movies. However, I pride myself in surviving through to the end of every terrible┬ámovie I have started, with two exceptions: It’s Pat The Movie, and The Pest. If I had an option, I would have happily added Catwoman to the list. To say that Catwoman sucked would be unfair to other things that suck. It was simply shockingly dreadfully awful.

Everything about the movie was bad: the plot, the acting, the dialogue, the horrible tacked on romance, and the discount CGI scenes of Catwoman flying around the city. The action was particularly bad, with so many quick cuts and shaky camera scenes that it was impossible to tell who was doing what to whom. I actually started thinking that a nice 36,000 foot drop into the Pacific Ocean might be less painful that watching the movie.

At this point you might be wondering “why didn’t you just read a book or fall asleep or something other than watching Catwoman?”. When I started realizing just how awful the movie was, I had no choice but to see how much worse it was going to get. Also, every other movie I will ever watch after Catwoman will seem better by comparison. It allowed me to recalibrate my “good movie / bad movie” scale.

If you ever want to punish yourself for something you have done wrong with your life, I recommend watching Catwoman in a tiny, uncomfortable seat while breathing recirculated air with no chance of escape. It is a cleansing experience that will help you atone for your sins. You could also perform your own dental surgery – either one is good.

So awful.

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