Archive for category Shenanigans
February 20, 2005 – The least erotic dance ever
Posted by Barniferous in Drinking, Friends and coworkers, Shenanigans on February 20, 2015
Today was Veronica’s last day as an English teacher, so after work we had a big farewell party at an izakaya in Numazu. Veronica had been teaching for a while and was very well liked, so her party attracted teachers from Mishima, Numazu, Fuji, Fujinomiya, and Shimizu branches.
The highlight / lowlight of the evening was Brad’s (not very) erotic dance. Brad is one of my coworkers at Mishima NOVA who is soon moving to Fuji school. He is about the size of an NFL linebacker, and has a huge booming voice that you can hear from a great distance. Working with Brad is fun, if you don’t have to be in the next classroom competing with his huge voice. The staff usually does a good job of trying to put him in a classroom away from other teachers if possible.
For some reason (alcohol) Brad decided to entertain us by trying to do a “sexy” dance. He had a completely serious look on his face at the time, and most of his moves appeared to be stolen from N-Sync. It was hilarious and terrifying at the same time.
As usual, the second party was at karaoke, which went late into the night. Farewell parties are a lot of fun, it’s too bad that someone has to leave in order to have one.
December 31, 2004 – Epic New Year’s Bongo Battle
Posted by Barniferous in Drinking, Return to Canada, Shenanigans on December 31, 2014
I got a call from Junk to go for lunch at Dirty Ken’s restaurant downtown (not the real name). Junk picked me up, and we tried to find a parking spot downtown that wasn’t completely filled with snow. After we braved the snow filled streets and got parked, we found that the restaurant was closed.
Our backup plan was Stella’s in Osborne Village, which was excellent as always. After breakfast we hung out for a few hours watching Simpsons, and then I returned home to prepare for the New Year’s Party at the fraternity house.
Due to the crazy amounts of snow and the fact that I was planning on drinking too much to safely drive home, I took the bus to the frat house. Winnipeg Transit is not the best form of transportation, and it doesn’t even come close to Japanese trains, but it sure beats driving in the winter.
The party was pretty good, even though only about half of the expected people showed up due to the snow. The people who did show up enjoyed a typical evening of alcohol fueled mayhem. Highlights included a live band in the basement, a sad female singing in Portuguese in the shower, communal baby duck, a cool projector, and getting to hang out with Hippie, who some of you may remember as one of the people who came to visit me in Japan in the summer.
My good friend / drinking buddy Triple D showed up late from work, and we recreated some of our wrestling night stupidity by attacking each other with plastic champagne glasses. It seemed like a fun idea at the time, but we both ended up with cuts on our foreheads. Fun fact: non stick cooking spray in an open wound stings like crazy.
Later in the evening Hippie, who was living in the fraternity house, retreated to his room with his girlfriend Sunny for some “alone time”. He left her alone in his room to have a shower, so Triple D and I (after way too many beers) decided to hang out with Sunny and interrupt their plans. When Hippie returned and found us hanging out, he was less than pleased. After much pleading and several threats, Hippie thought we were finally about to leave. At that moment, Triple D picked up some bongos and initiated an Epic Bongo Challenge.
One of the cardinal rules of being a Hippie is that you must own bongos. The related rule is that you are never able to turn down a bongo challenge at any time for any reason.
Triple D picked up Hippie’s bongos and played a pretty good beat, considering his blood alcohol content. Hippie took the bongos and responded to the challenge. I encouraged them both, and took the picture above. I honestly can’t say how long the epic bongo battle continued, but it probably seemed like hours to poor Sunny.
Eventually we did leave the room and I ended up crashing on one of the many available couches long after most people had gone to sleep. It was a fun New Year’s Eve with friends that I was going to regret in the morning.
(Updated Jan 4 – changed Hippie’s girlfriend’s from “Hippie’s girlfriend” to “Sunny” by request)
December 23, 2004 – Extreme Tactics + Extreme Chair Destruction
Posted by Barniferous in Drinking, Return to Canada, Shenanigans on December 23, 2014
The aftermath of a man vs. chair grudge match
I started my day in Portage la Prairie with a visit to my old employer. I had worked there for several years during University, so it was good to drop in and say hi to my old coworkers. Naturally I brought donuts. I missed Canadian donuts.
In the afternoon I went to Winnipeg to hang out with the fraternity guys. I joined them for a group outing at a place called Xtreme Tactics. For the rest of the afternoon we chased each other around an indoor maze shooting each other with Airsoft pellet guns. I had played paintball before but never done indoor Airsoft, which is why I was not appropriately dressed for the occasion. I ended up with some nasty welts on my arms.
After spending the afternoon shooting each other, we all went to Boston Pizza for dinner and then returned to the fraternity house for the Brotherhood Bottle Exchange.
In Delta Upsilon, new members are assigned a “big brother” when they join. The big brother is an existing member who is supposed to guide the little brother in the ways of the fraternity. At the brotherhood bottle exchange, big brothers and little brothers exchange bottles of alcohol and then everyone hangs out for some beverages and brotherhood. It was a great chance for me to catch up with my friends and hear some fun fraternity stories.
During the course of the evening, the following events may or may not have happened:
- People mixing shochu in their beer (a very bad idea).
- A centurion – this is a beer related challenge where participants drink one shot glass full of beer every minute. While one ounce of beer seems like a small amount, once ounce of beer every minute works out to about standard bottles of beer every hour. Centurions usually don’t end well.
- Vomiting in a holiday themed hat.
- A poker game which started with low stakes and ended up resulting in people losing part of their next month’s rent money. The big winner, who claimed several hundred dollars from other players, decided to tear up all of the IOUs and return the winnings.
- A stripper was hired, but since you can’t discuss prices over the phone, a long negotiation about money occured inside the front door. Both sides at times threatened to walk away from the deal.
- A WWE style wrestling match pitting man vs. wicker chair. After a long battle, the chair eventually lost after several Hulk Hogan style legdrops. It ended up being thrown over the balcony into the snow below.
It was a good time for everyone except the chair.
July 3, 2004 pt2 – Pulling rank
Posted by Barniferous in Shenanigans, Visitors, Western Japan on July 28, 2014
Other than the amazing sightseeing, my personal highlight from my day exploring Kyoto with my family occurred as we were ready to leave Kinkakuji. It involves a conversation between an American soldier and my sister.
There are about 50,000 American military personnel stationed in Japan. This is due to a treaty signed with Japan at the end of World War 2. The United States has pledged to defend Japan in cooperation with the Japanese Self Defense Force. Due to the large numbers of servicemen, it’s not uncommon to encounter them especially in popular tourist areas.
There were a small group of American soldiers in civilian clothes doing some sightseeing. While we were taking a short break before returning to the hotel, one of the soldiers started chatting up my sister. She seemed to enjoy the attention of the nice looking young man.
At some point my dad walked over, which forced my sister to awkwardly introduce him. The young man shook my dad’s hand politely. Then my sister mentioned that my dad was a retired Captain in the Canadian Forces. Instantly the young American snapped to attention, standing straight and tall. My dad tried to engage him in some small talk, and the soldier started responding with “yes sir” and “no sir”. He seemed to be intimidated by my very non threatening father. My sister was not amused at all.
Shortly after the soldier excused himself to rejoin his friends. My sister was annoyed, my dad didn’t understand why, and I stood off to the side laughing. Good times!
(2014 Update) My dad could have been a Major, but turned down a promotion so we didn’t have to move while I was in the middle of high school and my sister was in the middle of junior high school. If the young American soldier reacted so strongly to a Captain, I would have loved to see his reaction to a Major!
Team Awesome Sauce: Epilogue
Posted by Barniferous in Shenanigans, Team Awesome Sauce on June 21, 2014
Hippie, Green, Code Red and I enjoying some beer
It was a lot of fun rewriting the posts about my friends’ visit to Japan. My original blog posts ranged from two sentences to a paragraph each, which was not nearly long enough to properly describe the events. Using a combination of my original blog posts, pictures from the time, and recent conversations with some of the guys, I was able to flesh out some of the details.
There are a few small things that got missed in the daily updates:
Flounder stands out: Flounder was stared at almost everywhere we went because he was gigantic compared to most people. He actually started counting the number of people staring at him on each day. He was in the double digits but stopped counting when we walked by a few hundred elementary school kids.
So much Playstation: We played a lot of Playstation while working off our hangovers. The most popular game was WWE Smackdown: Here Comes the Pain. I only had two PS2 controllers, so two players had to use PS1 controllers that we borrowed from Lux. Since taunts were only usable on the PS2 controllers, we had to impose a house rule banning them.
Hippies like gyoza: Hippie took a serious liking to gyoza from Shop 99 – the awesome 99 yen store near Hello House. I have never seen someone so enthusiastically demolish an entire package. “I like dumplings” because his catch phrase for the trip.
Laryngitis: I had a bit of a sore throat when the guys arrived. They bombarded me with so many questions about everything around us that I actually lost my voice completely a few times in the first days of their visit.
Are we there yet: On our many train rides, the guys would annoy me by asking which station we needed to get off at. Then they would ask how many stops were left. Then they would ask me which station again. Then they asked how many stops now. It was a variation on the classic “are we there yet”. I told them to just get off the train when I did and to stop asking questions.
To stop this game, I got off the train unexpectedly at a station on Odakyu line with no explanation. All of the guys followed me off the train and then I jumped back on suddenly. They all scrambled to get back on the train before the doors closed. I though this was hilarious. They didn’t appreciate the humour.
Representing Canada: Like most Canadians, we proudly displayed the Canadian flag in our travels. However, all the flags got put away when we were drinking and acting like idiots. This was something we learned in our fraternity days – don’t act stupid while wearing fraternity letters.
Not everyone can read Japanese: On one of our Tokyo adventures, I needed to hit a bank machine. I told the guys to meet me at the coffee shop across the street. They asked which coffee shop. I told them it was the only coffee shop on the street. They still didn’t see it. At this point I realized the problem: the coffee shop sign was in Japanese and I was the only person who could read it.
Thailand: If you are standing on a train holding on to the handle and someone asks you what the capital of Thailand is, you are about to get punched in the junk.
The final word:
It has been ten years since my friends came to visit me in Japan. We don’t always see each other very often, but when we do we always have fond memories of our 17 day adventure in Japan. We have all grown up since that time and now all have real jobs. The crazy guys who had a non stop karaoke, video game and booze filled vacation are now a professional accountant, an elementary school teacher, a train conductor, a corporate account manager and something to do with military intelligence. Hippie and I were in each other’s wedding parties and I look forward to setting up play dates with my newborn son and Flounder’s soon to arrive baby.
If I hadn’t joined a fraternity in University I likely would never have met Code Red, Green, Hippie, or Flounder. There are some people who say that joining a fraternity is just a way to buy some friends. If that’s the case, I didn’t pay nearly enough.
June 4, 2004 – It’s like leapfrog, but nobody’s jumping
Posted by Barniferous in Shenanigans, Team Awesome Sauce, Tokyo on June 16, 2014
Pushing people onto the Keio line at Shibuya Station
I had to work today. The guys went to a sword museum in Tokyo, and then met up with me outside Kawasaki station at the end of my shift. They all requested another night out in Shibuya. We spent our time in game centers and then went back to Don Quijote, this time sober enough to fully enjoy the experience. Green and I both bought small beer chilling machines which claim to cool a beer from room temperature to drinking temperature in 90 seconds. For the price of 2000 yen this seemed like a reasonable gamble.
We got to Shibuya station a bit early to avoid any chance of missing the last train. Our route home was the always crowded Keio line to Shimokitazawa, and then Odakyu line to Noborito. When we got to the platform we saw the second last train loading up. It was literally wall to wall people. This gave us a chance to see Japan’s famous train pushers for the first time. They are railway staff that push all of the arms and legs into a crowded train car so the doors can close. If you want a true Japan cultural experience, you have to see the train pushers in action.
We went to the front of the line and waited for the last train of the evening to arrive. We were in the last train car standing against the back wall of the car in a row. I regretted my purchase of the beer cooling cube as I had to awkwardly straddle it while the train car filled up. By the time the train was ready to leave, the train car was packed like sardines and we were pressed up against the back wall. Due to my awkward straddling position, a nearby drunk man tried to use me as a seat.
The view inside the last train out of Shibuya
As we got moving, a drunk woman crawled between Flounder’s legs and started looking like she was going to be sick. Flounder described the situation to me as “It’s like a game of leapfrog, but nobody’s jumping!”. Everyone in the area who could understand language was laughing at the situation.
When we got closer to Shimokitazawa station, I instructed the guys that we had to get off the train quickly and run to Odakyu line. I let them know that we only had a few minutes to make our connection before the Odakyu line left. I made very clear to them that if they didn’t get off the train before the doors closed, that they would have no way of getting back to Hello House.
At Shimokitazawa the doors opened and a crowd of people started flowing out of the train. Japan is a usually very polite and orderly country, except on crowded trains. When the train is crowded, anything goes. Hippie, Code Red, Green and I all forced our way off the train, but Flounder was trapped behind a man who stood directly in the doorway with his arms crossed.
Flounder yelled out “I can’t get off the train!”. I replied “you HAVE to get off the train NOW”.
Flounder, hearing the urgency in my voice, decided that desperate times called for desperate measures. He tried to go left – not enough space. He tried to go right – too crowded. He then grabbed the door blocker by his elbows, picked him up, and carried him off the train.
The door blocking man was furious at being picked up like a toy and moved out of the way. He turned around angrily and found himself staring directly into the middle of Flounder’s chest. As he slowly looked up at the giant smiling gaijin, he decided that he wasn’t all that angry anymore and quickly got on the train without a word. The nearby people on the platform thought this was hilarious. Flounder simply shrugged and told me “you said I had to get off the train now”. We all continued laughing as we ran for the Odakyu line to catch the last train back to Hello House.
Description on the beer cooling machine:
Drinking a glass of beer helps yourself release fatigue and mental stress after you come back home. Just pull down the lever and get a chilled canned beer for your relaxing time. COOLING CUBE creates a healing time and space beyond reality for you. Since 2002.
June 3, 2004 pt2 – All you can drink is not a challenge
Posted by Barniferous in Drinking, Karaoke, Shenanigans, Team Awesome Sauce on June 15, 2014
The floor is lava at Big Echo karaoke
(Author’s note) My memories of the evening are a bit fuzzy, and the notes from my original blog post are vague, so I am doing my best to reconstruct the events.
After witnessing the 20 Frosty challenge in the morning, we all had a relaxing afternoon at Hello House before heading out in the evening for Thursday evening karaoke. Green was still not feeling well, so he was a lot more restrained than usual. I believe the rest of the group decided to do some pre-drinking at Hello House.
We rode Nanbu line to Kawasaki and then took Tokaido line to Yokohama in order to meet up with my usual Thursday evening karaoke group. When everyone assembled, we all walked to Big Echo. Unlike the previous week, Code Red had left his video camera back at Hello House.
We had two fun hours of karaoke, making good use of the “all you can drink” policy of our karaoke room. Green was not drinking much, so Flounder, Hippie, Code Red, and I all decided to pick up the slack.
During the evening, one of Jem’s roommates, let’s call her Rana, was flirting with Code Red hard. Code Red was wearing a t-shirt featuring Stewie from Family Guy. On the walk back to Yokohama station, Jem’s roommate told Code Red that she really liked his shirt, and wanted to trade. Code Red did not want to trade his Stewie shirt for Rana’s shirt. She kept asking, and he kept refusing.
At this point, Green, Flounder, Hippie and I decided to act like helpful gentlemen and get Rana the shirt she wanted. We grabbed Code Red and pulled off his Stewie shirt while we were walking through the shopping area of Yokohama station. We handed the shirt to Rana, and then she proceeded to remove her shirt to give to Code Red.
While Code Red was shirtless, we all started slapping his exposed back, leaving huge red hand prints. Yes, this is the kind of thing that drunk frat boys do when they like each other.
Unsurprisingly, the spectacle of a shirtless gaijin guy being attacked by his friends while a gaijin female removed her shirt in a major train station attracted some attention. We received a lot of stares and laughs from people passing by, and also got noticed by the train station security staff, who watched us carefully as we bought tickets and waited on the platform.
Although he probably could have turned the “give my shirt back” game into a night outside of Hello House, Code Red instead insisted that he get his Stewie t-shirt back before our train came. Rana reluctantly agreed and they again swapped shirts.
At some point during our excitement, we actually lost Hippie for a few minutes. I can’t exactly remember the details, but he did turn up before the train left.
Through most of our adventures so far, Green had been the drunk crazy guy. With Green taking it easy, we all stepped up our game. As it turned out, our group was better when we only had one designated drunk crazy guy rather than four.
June 3, 2004 pt1 – The 20 Frosty Challenge
Posted by Barniferous in Shenanigans, Team Awesome Sauce, Uncategorized on June 14, 2014
Hippie poses with Green during the epic 20 frosty challenge
Today was a nice, hot, sunny day. Just after noon we went to the nearby Wendy’s near Mukogaokayuen station. We all had lunch, and Green decided to get a Frosty from the 100 yen value menu. A Frosty is a thick 100 yen chocolate milkshake that comes with a spoon.
Green made a big deal about how delicious his Frosty was, and how he would enjoy eating another. Flounder asked him if he could eat two more Frosties, and Green said that he could. One of us asked if he could eat three more Frosties, which again got an affirmative response. This started a process of escalation, and after a few minutes Green had agreed to eat 20 Frosties in one hour. The rules were clarified: the 20 Frosties would consist of the one he had already eaten, plus 19 more.
Hippie, Code Red and I also wanted to have a frosty each, so I taught Green how to say “22 Frosties please” in Japanese. He walked up to the counter and said “ni-juu-ni Frosty kudasai”. The lady at the counter was naturally confused, thinking that Green actually wanted two Frosties. He tried again, and this time the lady held up two fingers to confirm. Green called me over to translate. I explained in my best Japanese that my friend really loves Frosties, and he is actually trying to order 22. She started laughing and then proceeded to start filling up 22 value size Frosties from the machine. The machine actually ran out half way through, so we were sent to the table with half of our order with the other half coming shortly.
The timer started and Green impressively started eating. He raced through Frosties two to ten in a blur of plastic spoons and ice cream. At the end of the tenth frosty he was starting to shiver, both from the large quantity of ice cream that he was eating, and also from the large air conditioning unit that we were seated under. We agreed to move the challenge outside in the sun. By the time we got outside, Green was looking a bit, well, green. I told him that I would be impressed if he could eat just two more Frosties. He picked up his spoon, and slowly, painfully forced down Frosties number 11 and 12. At this point he said he was done, and the rest of us worked on eating the remainder of the Frosty order.
After a few minutes of letting our food settle, we got up to walk back to Hello House. Green suddenly announced that he didn’t feel well and then proceeded to run behind Wendy’s to unload 12 Frosties at high speed, along with his lunch. This magical moment was captured on video camera by Code Red. Green survived the walk back to Hello House and then proceeded to sleep for about three hours.
Kids – don’t try to eat 20 Frosties in an hour. They look small, but the volume adds up quickly.
June 2, 2004 pt2 – Walking and waterfalls
Posted by Barniferous in Shenanigans, Team Awesome Sauce on June 13, 2014
Jakko Falls
After visiting some of the man made attractions in Nikko, we decided to visit some of the natural attractions. The Nikko area is famous for waterfalls. There are many famous falls in the area, but we decided on Jakko Falls because it was one of the closest to our current location. It looked pretty close in Flounder’s lonely planet guidebook, but the distance was actually 3.5km from Tosho-gu.
We started walking along the road, noticing that we were starting to walk slightly uphill. With only Lonely planet as our guide, we missed a turn and started to second guess our route. Some road signs were misleading and we ended up making a few small circles before finally finding a sign for Jakko falls showing that we still had 2km to go.
We were all tired by this point, but decided that we weren’t going to go back until we found waterfalls. We turned off the main road and started walking up a narrow road towards the falls, this time at a much steeper angle. Code Red, Hippie, Green and I were doing reasonably well with all the walking, but big Flounder was continuously falling behind. Every five minutes or so we would stop, have a nice cool drink, and wait for Flounder to catch up to us. When he caught up we would start walking again. This was great for us, but the one person who really needed to take a break was walking continuously.
Our 2km walk included a 300m vertical climb. By the time we got to the falls, we were all sweaty and tired. The falls were impressive, and we all had a nice relaxing rest near the bottom while getting splashed with cool mist. There are likely more impressive waterfalls in the world, or even in the area, but after all the walking we truly appreciated Jakko falls. We earned our view.
After a break we started our 5.2km walk back to the station, which thankfully was downhill the entire way. We walked back towards the main road in great spirits, singing Weezer songs at the top of our lungs and listening to them bounce off the nearby mountains. My apologies to the few houses in the area for our impromptu musical performance. By the time we got back to the station we had walked a total of 11.5km, not counting our walking around at Tosho-gu or our time getting lost while searching for Jakko falls. I think we all slept on the train back towards Tokyo.
Special Bonus Story: On the last leg of our trip home, Flounder started to let us know that he needed a bathroom break, and it wasn’t something that could be dealt with in a standing position. Most train stations in Japan only have the terrifying squat style toilets. I asked him to describe his level of distress on a scale of 1 to 10, and he answered 7. I tried to convince him that he could make it all the way back to Hello House.
A few minutes later the distress level had skipped 8 and was now firmly at 9. Getting back to Hello House and its safe conventional toilet was no longer an option. After getting some basic instructions on how to use the squat toilet and which train to take to Noborito, Flounder rushed off the train somewhere on the Odakyu line to find a washroom.
We got back to Hello House, both laughing at Flounder’s situation and worried that he would get lost somewhere in Tokyo never to be seen again. About 15 minutes later he showed up, smiling and relived. We all excitedly asked him about his brave experience using a squat toilet. His response: “Bullseye”.
(2014 Update 1) Always wear comfortable shoes when sightseeing in Japan. You will always end up walking more than you expected. Having a device with a GPS is also incredibly helpful.
(2014 Update 2) It took me another year before I finally had to use a squat toilet in Japan. I have already written up the post. Trust me – it’s going to be a good one.
Drinking in Japan 
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