Archive for category The Penpal
April 4, 2006 part 2 – No bathing suits in the onsen!?
Posted by Barniferous in Life in Japan, The Penpal, Visitors on September 22, 2016
My parents, The Penpal, and her parents were all spending a night at a ryokan in Izu. One of the big attractions for a ryokan is a giant, beautifully landscaped onsen (hot spring). After an amazing dinner, my parents were excited for their first onsen experience.
We returned to our rooms and changed into the yukatas that were provided. A yukata works like a standard bathrobe, but it’s less casual. I had worn a yukata before, my mom figured hers out without any issues, but my dad couldn’t quite get the hang of things. His yukata kept coming open and exposing his chest.
The Penpal and her family, now wearing their yukatas, came into our room to have tea and talk about the hot springs. They all sat on one side of the table, sitting with legs carefully folded, yukatas perfectly fastened, looking very dignified. My dad was not quite able to get comfortable on the floor cushions, and his yukata kept opening. He was inadvertently rocking a greasy, 70’s disco guy look. My mom and I couldn’t stop laughing, especially with the Penpal’s family looking so proper on the other side of the table.
Onsens are segregated by sex – the plan was for the women and the men to separate and enjoy a nice soak in incredibly hot water. During our discussion we learned that my mom was developing an allergic reaction to the fish she ate at dinner, The Penpal had fallen to the communists, and The Penpal’s mother didn’t want to go by herself. The women decided to hang out in the room.
The men were still good to go, and as we gathered our towels my dad asked when he should put on his bathing suit. Apparently he thought I was joking when I told him that no clothing was allowed in the onsen. When he realized I was serious, he decided to have another beer before we left.
With my dad before our first onsen experience
In Japan, going to the onsen with family is a normal part of the culture. As a Canadian, I can’t think of too many things I’d like to do less than getting naked with my father and future father in law. I had another beer too.
The Penpal made sure to carefully explain the procedure for using the onsen in English in case I had translation problems with her father. It seemed simple enough: get naked, wash carefully with the shower, rinse off all soap, get into the water. We got into the change room, and after one more assurance that we really did have to remove ALL clothes, we all sat down on the little buckets in front of the shower station and proceeded to clean up for our bath. After a few minutes of showering, scrubbing, and doing our best to make sure we weren’t going to get yelled at by anyone, we got up and walked to the onsen.
To say the water was “hot” would be doing a disservice to the word hot. I now understand how it feels to be soup.
The Penpal’s father, used to sitting in incredibly hot water, easily adjusted to the temperature. My dad and I quickly turned lobster red, and there was a point I thought one (or both) of us would have a heart attack. After getting used to being slowly cooked, we actually enjoyed the experience. The onsen was beautiful and relaxing.
I probably lasted less than 10 minutes, apologizing to my dad for leaving him without a translator. He stayed in for a few more minutes before getting out. The Penpal’s father stayed a few minutes beyond that, but I’m sure he could have been in there for at least another half hour, seemingly impervious to the heat.
Overall it was an interesting experience, and I had a fantastic sleep afterwards. If you can stand the heat, a nice soak in the onsen would be a great way to end a day.
April 4, 2006 part 1 – Family Ryokan experience
Posted by Barniferous in Shizuoka, The Penpal, Visitors on September 18, 2016
Today was the start of two days of family togetherness in Izu. The Penpal and her family were taking my parents and I to a ryokan (traditional Japanese inn) in Izu Peninsula.
I met my family at the hotel, and we were picked up in our two car convoy by The Penpal’s parents. Once again the men were in my future father in-law’s car with me translating, and the women were in The Penpal’s car with her translating. Their car was smaller but had a much better translator.
We hit a few sightseeing spots in Izu to show off the beauty of the mountainous peninsula before heading to our destination – Yado Ryokan Hanabusa in Izu Nagaoka. The “yado” is for pottery – one of the features of our inn was traditional pottery lessons; we’re doing that tomorrow.
Pottery Ryokan Hanabusa
The landscaping around Hanabusa was beautiful, with cherry blossoms, rocks, and those beautifully crooked old trees that seem to be everywhere in Japan.
Each family got their own room complete with sliding wooden doors, tatami floors, low tables and cushions, and a fantastic view of mountains and trees out the window. My parents enjoyed the traditional decor, but were also happy that the room came with a modern, non-threatening bathroom.
After unloading our luggage, we went to the dining room for one of the most amazing dining experiences of my life. The food was kaiseki ryori, which involved a lot of fancy, small dishes that looked more like art than food. We weren’t really sure what we were eating most of the time, but everything was delicious. My mom specifically asked about a soup containing tender, flavourful white fish. The Penpal informed her that she was enjoying fugu, the poisonous blowfish that was made famous by Homer Simpson.
The only food that wasn’t to everyone’s liking was uni, raw sea urchin. Uni is one of those foods that people either love or hate, with no middle ground. My dad bravely took half of a bite into the meat that had the same colour and texture as something you might cough up when you have a bad cold, said “no way”, and offered the rest to me. I ate it, and then got to eat almost everyone else’s uni as well, which was fine by me.
Other than the uni, everybody loved all the food they ate. We moved from the dining room to the lobby to chat for a bit. There was a piano in the lobby, so we all convinced The Penpal to play a song for us. She played Moonlight Sonata beautifully which attracted a small crowd of other guests. After a few songs she tried to leave the piano, but the guests and hotel staff wouldn’t let her until she had played some more. Yes, my future wife is awesome!
We could have ended the day at this point and considered it a success, but we still hadn’t tried Hanabusa’s onsen yet. My dad didn’t yet understand what I was getting him into…
April 3, 2006 part 1 – Ring shopping with my mom
Posted by Barniferous in The Penpal, Visitors on September 7, 2016
Today was scheduled to be a day off so we could get a break from the non-stop sightseeing and activity. However, a break from sightseeing didn’t mean that we were going to sit around; we decided to explore Numazu a bit.
I picked up my parents at their hotel, and we walked to the Nakamise shopping area, which is where my school is located. Nakamise is an area covering 4 x 2 city blocks, with a ceiling over the main center street. It’s like an indoor mall without actually being fully indoor. The area features a variety of restaurants and stores. My parents enjoyed looking around and picking up a few souvenirs for friends and family back home.
One of the stores in Nakamise is a jewelry shop. I had proposed to The Penpal in February suddenly, without getting a ring in advance. We had agreed that we would take some time and get a ring together, but so far we hadn’t done any shopping. My mom got excited about the idea of helping her son look for engagement rings. My dad was less excited, so he decided to get a coffee and explore the nearby bookstore.
The jewelry store looked just like any jewelry store in Canada – lots of glass display cases with nicely dressed smiling staff ready to show off the expensive, shiny contents. We were approached right away by one of the staff (thanks Japanese customer service), and I managed to explain that I was looking for an engagement ring, despite not really knowing either of those words. The clerk asked a few questions and showed us some of the rings that were in my price range.
Browsing the rings was an enlightening experience; I learned that I knew almost nothing about rings or jewelry and didn’t have the vocabulary needed to ask good questions. I did get an idea of the huge variety of rings available, but knew that any serious shopping would have to involve The Penpal.
My mom and I thanked the clerk for her help, and she gave us a full 90 degree bow when we left. Customers are already treated respectfully in Japanese stores, but I had never been on the receiving end of a 90 degree bow before. I’m guessing its more common in high end retail.
My mom couldn’t stop talking about how happy she was that we got to look at rings together. I’ve had a lot of fun adventures involving my dad on this trip, but this was something special that my mom and I could share.
April 2, 2006 – Kabuki in Ginza
Posted by Barniferous in The Penpal, Tokyo, Visitors on September 2, 2016
Today my parents, The Penpal (my fiancee) and I went to Tokyo for some sightseeing. This was the first time that my parents got a chance to spend some time with their future daughter in law without her parents around.
The plan for the day was to attend a Kabuki play at the famous Kabukiza theater in Ginza. We drove together to Mishima station, and then took the shinkansen to Tokyo, followed by a quick subway ride to Ginza station. Ginza is one of the richest areas of Tokyo, featuring Japan’s oldest department store, Mitukoshi, along with all kinds of other high end retail that we couldn’t afford.
Kabukiza is a Kabuki theatre which was originally built in 1889. The building has been destroyed, rebuilt, and upgraded several times since then. The design stands out among the tall steel and concrete buildings of the area. Tickets to see full plays are expensive, but there is a 1000 yen ticket that allows people to view one act of a play from the upper upper level. We got this along with headphones that played an English translation of the dialogue.
Kabuki dates back to the 1600s. At the same time William Shakespeare was writing famous plays in England, Japan was developing their own unique style of performance. Like original Shakespeare, Kabuki is performed entirely by men. It is famous for its colourful, energetic performances, which provides a stark contrast to the more traditional (and in my opinion extremely boring) Noh.
Coincidentally, the play that we got to watch was the story of the siege of Osaka Castle. We had just been to Osaka castle a few days earlier, so we knew a bit about the story. This allowed us to focus on the stage. The first scene we watched included fighting, action, and an insane fall down a giant flight of stairs on stage. The second act had a lot more talking as the characters were hiding in the castle wondering what would happen after the battle. I personally preferred the first scene, but it was nice to get some variety during my first Kabuki experience.
The most surprising part of my Kabuki experience was that the crowd would shout at the performers. Apparently this is a tradition where you yell out the name of the acting family of certain key actors. Usually Japanese crowds are known for being quiet and reserved, so it was quite interesting to hear the shouting.
After Kabuki we wandered around Ginza for a bit, then returned to Tokyo station. Before we returned to Mishima, we browsed the large selection of restaurants available at the station. We ended up at a kaiten sushi restaurant.
The first time my parents came to Japan, I took my dad for kaiten sushi while my mom and sister went for McDonalds. This time my mom was feeling more adventurous. Usually she prefers rolls and avoids raw fish, but thanks to The Penpal’s reassurance and advice, my mom tried some fatty tuna nigiri sushi and loved it! My parents also enjoyed the incredibly hot green tea that was available at our table.
We took the shinkansen back to Mishima while talking about plans for our upcoming stay in a ryokan (traditional Japanese inn). The adventure continues!
(Author’s note) Apparently Kabukiza has been rebuilt yet again to comply with modern building codes
March 1, 2006 – Keeping cake out of the rain
Posted by Barniferous in Life in Japan, The Penpal on July 2, 2016
Happy birthday to my wonderful fiancee The Penpal!
I worked an early shift today, finishing at 5:00pm. My plan was to cook birthday dinner for The Penpal. In the past I didn’t cook for The Penpal very often in my apartment because chances were good that one of my roommates would be around. However, Palmer has just moved to Hokkaido and Azeroth was working a late shift, meaning that The Penpal and I had the whole place to ourselves for the evening.
I decided to pick up a cake on the way home at one of the fancy department stores near Numazu station. Fancy cakes in Japan are an art form; the biggest challenge I had was which one to pick. It was raining a little when I entered the store, and pouring when I left. To keep the cake dry, I had to hold the cake bag up directly under my umbrella. I must have looked ridiculous wearing a shirt and tie, holding a cake at eye level under my umbrella as I walked through a downpour to my apartment. It was worth it, the cake was dry when I got home! (I was not)
The Penpal and I had a good evening together. I really hope NOVA is not in a rush to find us a new roommate; I could get used to having free time in the apartment!
February 16, 2006 – Blue light
Posted by Barniferous in The Penpal on June 16, 2016
I got some exciting news from The Penpal today: her parents had given approval for our engagement!
She told me that it was a big discussion, so she and her parents had decided to talk about it a little each day. It was a big decision for them because The Penpal is their only child, and they were concerned about her living half way around the world. The fact that I am going to be the first non-Japanese person in the entire family tree came up as well.
I did have a few people on my side through this process. The first was the Penpal’s uncle and aunt who had lived in the US for a few years. They did a lot to help calm worries about how The Penpal would be treated living in another country married to a non-Japanese person. Another person who had my back was The Penpal’s grandmother, who I had met once. Apparently I made a good first impression, and her opinion carries a lot of weight.
Note to my readers: always do your best to be respectful to people. This may just help you out some day!
Ultimately it would have been The Penpal’s decision whether or not to marry me even if her family did not agree. However, it is much easier having the family give their blessing than for us to do things on our own. I am a very happy man today!
February 13, 2006 – The Waiting Game
Posted by Barniferous in The Penpal on June 12, 2016
It has been one week since I proposed to my girlfriend, The Penpal. The proposal was sudden, so we hadn’t consulted with her parents first. She asked for some time to sell them on the idea, and suggested talking to them by herself would be easier.
It turns out that her parents were more than a little surprised by the idea. Her mom is doing okay with it, but her dad is providing some resistance. The idea of an international marriage is not always appealing to parents.
The Penpal asked me to give it some more time. I really hope they come around!
February 7, 2006 – Custom Japanese lesson
Posted by Barniferous in The Penpal on June 8, 2016
Today at my Japanese lesson I told my teacher about The Penpal and I getting engaged. She was very excited for me, but did tell me that I really should have talked to her father first. I agreed, so my regular lesson plan was set aside for the day so we could work on all kinds of language related to weddings.
One of the best things about private lessons is that they can be tailored to the student’s needs. It was also nice for me to have someone else I could talk to about the situation. It was driving me crazy that I couldn’t go around telling everyone yet.
I’m sure my coworkers wondered what was wrong with me as I grinned my way through the day at work.
February 6, 2006 part 2 – Proposal aftermath
Posted by Barniferous in Friends and coworkers, The Penpal on June 8, 2016
It had been just minutes since I had proposed to my girlfriend, The Penpal. After coming down from the emotional high, we started to discuss the next steps.
When I seized the opportunity to propose, I had completely excluded her parents from the decision process. She told me that she would have to talk to them and get their blessing. I told her that I wanted to talk to my family as well, and we decided that we would not tell everyone else until our parents had been given some time to process the idea.
I immediately called my parents. It was Monday evening in Japan, which meant early morning in central Canada. I managed to catch my dad at home on his way out the door. I asked if both he and my mom were free, but I heard my mom yelling in the background that she was busy getting ready for work, so my dad got to hear the news first. There was silence on his end of the phone for a minute, then he yelled for my mom to come to the phone immediately! Both of them were very excited for us!
After that I had to call my sister, who was still asleep. Before she had a chance to worry about an early call from her brother in Japan I told her the news. This woke her up instantly. Her response was “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I’m going to have a sister in law!!!”.
The Penpal and I talked for a while, and she went home to break the news to her parents. I asked if she wanted me to come, but she said it might be better if she could explain it to them by herself. She left, and I found myself home alone, bursting with excitement. I felt like I should do something to celebrate, but didn’t know what to do. Not able to come up with any ideas, I decided to walk across the street to 7-11. Near the alcohol section (yes, 7-11 sells alcohol in Japan), I found a bottle of cheap sparkling wine, which was the closest thing to a champagne that they offered. I paid for it and considered telling the cashier my news for some reason.
When I returned home, Palmer was there along with one of his girlfriends. I walked into the living room with my bottle of wine grinning and said “guess what I did”. Palmer tried to read the expression on my face, and then slowly guessed “you got her pregnant?”. I said no, so he guessed “you got engaged?”. I said yes and then opened the cheap sparkling wine for the three of us to share.
I am aware that I am kind of doing things in the wrong order, but too excited to care at the moment 🙂
February 6, 2006 part 1 – A modest proposal
Posted by Barniferous in The Penpal on June 7, 2016
Today started off like any other Monday. I had the day off and The Penpal came over to visit when she was finished work. Usually she is in a pretty good mood, but tonight she was a bit down.
Over the past few months we had been talking about my return to Canada when I finish teaching English. I asked her to move to Canada with me and she accepted. Over the weekend she finally talked to her parents about the idea, and they were not at all excited about the idea of their only daughter moving half way around the world to live with her boyfriend. She said that her parents wouldn’t have any problem with the idea if we were married, but wouldn’t approve if we were just dating.
At this point I had a lot of things go through my head: the Penpal and I have been together for a few years now, and we were very happy. I had been in some longer relationships before, but none of them felt the same way as my relationship with The Penpal. Despite growing up in very different cultures, we just connect and compliment each other.
I thought about returning to Canada without her and instantly felt a pit in my stomach. I thought about being home and starting another search for a girlfriend and that felt even worse. The Penpal was my companion, someone I wanted to be around for a long time to come. Someone I never wanted to be without.
I don’t know how long I sat there thinking about all of these things. But eventually I decided to do something. I took her hands in mine and told her that I didn’t want to be apart from her. Ever. She told me the same thing. I then asked her if she would marry me.
She accepted!!
This was not the proposal I ever imagined before. There was no fanfare, no romantic dinner with a ring cleverly hidden away, no beautiful scenery, and I didn’t have a ring. It was just the two of us sitting on my floor couch, the first piece of furniture we shopped for together, in my oddly shaped room in a company apartment. There is something to be said giant romantic proposals, but in this case the opportunity was there, I took it, and I am very VERY happy that I did!
Holy crap I’m engaged!
Drinking in Japan 
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