Archive for category Shenanigans

September 29, 2003 – Orientation Day

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Today was orientation in Shinjuku (downtown Tokyo). Shinjuku station is the busiest train station in the world. We were oriented for 6 hours, with a break for some disgusting cold coffee. After, we went to Subway for dinner and the bar at the bottom of our building for a few drinks. The drinks were very expensive so we got a group of about 40 and wandered Shinjuku looking for a bar. About an hour later we found and English pub and the 20 that were left happily went in for a few drinks. Drinkng with English people is fun, I recommend everyone do it one in your lifetime.
Also, I got to see Fuji-san for the first time today!!! Simply awesome, even through the Tokyo smog.

2013 Notes

There isn’t really a traditional “downtown” area in Tokyo. There are a lot of built up areas like Shinjuku, Shibuya, Shinagawa or Ueno that have their own attractions and shopping.

At orientation we signed up for cell phones and bank accounts. If you decided to sign up for a cell phone at the start of orientation you could walk away with a functioning phone at the end. Most people opted for this. My phone was an awesome flip phone with a camera and web browsing features. It is primitive by today’s standards, but was far ahead of anything available in Canada at the time.

Other than learning about the company and the job, one of the topics that was focused on was drugs. We were informed that in Japan there is no difference between “soft” drugs like marijuana and “hard” drugs like heroin or cocaine. Drugs were drugs, and they were all illegal. The police have the power to detain you while investigating, and we were told in no uncertain terms that the company would not help us at all if we ran into trouble with Japanese drug laws.

After the orientation we ended up at the Rose & Crown pub on the first floor of the NS building. I feel bad for the Rose & Crown and their periodic invasions of new English teachers. Our group was loud and enthusiastic, but fairly well behaved. A few months after I started, one of the new teachers got extremely drunk and puked all over the restaurant. The senior instructors spent a lot of time apologizing on behalf of the teachers and the company.

After the masses left the Rose & Crown we were all keen on getting another drink somewhere. Nobody really had any ideas on where to go or how to get there. After about 5-10 minutes of everyone standing around I announced “follow me!” and randomly chose a direction. To my surprise, everyone actually did follow me. We slowly started losing groups of people who either found a bar to go to, or realized that the crazy Canadian guy at the front of the line had no idea where he was going. My group of followers ended up in Hub British Pub, which is a fantastic place to have a beer or watch some footy.

Lesson of the night – everyone will follow you as long as you look confident that you know where you are going.

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September 19, 2003 – The Farewell party (aftermath)

I woke up in Victoria hospital with an IV in the back of my hand. When I realized where I was, my first thought was to get out as soon as possible. Since my official graduation would be in October, one month after I left for Japan, my parents had scheduled graduation pictures before I left. My picture appointment happened to be later that very day. I needed to get home to recover and clean myself up before pictures. There was no way I wanted my parents to know that I had spent the night in the hospital.

I got the nurses attention, got the IV removed and headed to a phone. I didn’t know when The Ex had left the previous night or how angry she was going to be, so I called the frat house for a ride. I made it almost the entire way home without puking. Almost. My apologies to the people waiting for a bus in front of Burger King at confusion corner – I didn’t want you to see that.

At home I slept for a few more hours, had a shower, tried to eat something small, and waited for my ride to pictures. My family commented on how pale I looked and that I must have killed a few brain cells the night before. I didn’t share any details.

My graduation pictures look terrible. I am pale at the best of times, but on this day, I looked practically albino. Wearing a bright white shirt made the effect even worse. Only my sister noticed the band aid on the back of my hand and asked about it. I said that I must have bumped my hand at the wrestling show the night before. She said “good, I thought maybe you got really drunk and needed an IV at the hospital”. Lucky guess!

So if my family is reading this – there is the true story about why I look like an albino ghost in my graduation pictures.

For everyone else reading this – graduation pictures are really important to parents. Don’t screw yours up.

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September 18, 2003 – The Farewell Party (part one)

My farewell party was at the Premier Championship Wrestling (PCW) show on Thursday, September 2003. If memory serves, it was annual the “Back to School Bash” show. At the time I was a big pro wrestling fan, and had been going to weekly PCW shows for over a year. There was a core group of us that would always go to the shows including The Ex (also a pro wrestling fan), and a few of the frat boys. Not only was I a regular, but I was also the undisputed wrestling trivia champion. Since this was a special occasion pretty much the entire fraternity chapter showed up. PCW ran all of their shows out of a local bar located close to the University.

The problems started when almost everyone wanted to buy me a farewell drink. When I mean everyone, I mean the fraternity brothers and some of the other regular wrestling fans. Being a fun, friendly guy I didn’t refuse any drinks at all. The promoter made a point of telling the crowd that it was my farewell show, and got me into the ring to demonstrate my beer chugging abilities. I also got to be part of an in ring angle where one of the wrestlers had a shocking revelation about his personal life. My job was to wait for the signal and then hit the mat and bail out of the ring in a hurry. Considering how drunk I was at the time it is fortunate I didn’t end up falling on my head.

At some point my brain went into survival mode and I started giving away the drinks that people were bringing me. Memories get fuzzy later in the evening, but I ended up puking an ungodly amount beer and awful shots in the bathroom, and then went to sit with another group of regulars for the end of the show to avoid further free drinks. My last memories of the wrestling show were of Mentallo winning a championship and getting into someone’s car to go back to the fraternity house. My next memories were at the fraternity house. A few people were trying to convince me to drink water while I was sitting on the floor in the bathroom, hanging onto the toilet for dear life. My brain, still in survival mode, convinced me that they were trying to give me more alcohol, so I flat out refused to drink anything else.

The problem with drinking stories is that some of them start fun and end fun. Others start fun and end badly. This was one of the “ending badly” stories. To be continued…

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Return to Japan 2013: July 14 – Drinking in the danger zone

Beer and Yakitori in Koriyama

Beer and Yakitori in Koriyama

My former roommate and coworker Azeroth left Japan a few years ago to return to the US. Last year he returned to start working for a rival English conversation school. His new home is in Koriyama, located about 60km due west of the Fukushima Dai Ichi nuclear reactor that had a meltdown in 2011. Having never need north of Nikko before, I volunteered to travel to Koriyama to visit. Since Koriyama is just outside of the evacuation zone so it is considered “safe” by the government, but I was still happy to only be going for one day.

The easiest way to get from Numazu to Koriyama is to take the Tokaido Shinkansen to Tokyo and then switch to the northbound Tohoku Shinkansen. Since I was on vacation and not expected until mid afternoon, I chose a route with 4 trains instead. From Ooka I took the scenic Gotemba line to Matsuda. At Matsuda I had 5 minutes to leave the JR station, walk across the street, buy a ticket at Shin Matsuda station and then get on the Odakyu line for Shinjuku. The Gotemba line train was full of Mt. Fuji climbers, so getting to Shin Matsuda station on time involved weaving in and out of crowds of backpack wearing climbers with big sticks and a questionable rush in front of a bus. I got my ticket and got to the platform with seconds to spare, jumping on the first train I saw. Unfortunately for me, this train was going the wrong way. I would have noticed right away, but I was in the middle of a good book. It’s a good idea to bring a book when traveling, but you should always make sure you are going the right way before you start reading.

My train ended in Odawara. Fortunately I had a few minutes before a limited express Romance Car train was going to leave for Shinjuku. I bought a ticket and settled into a nice cushy window sweat. The Romance Car is Odakyu’s version of a green car, but is part of an express train that only stops at the biggest stations. “Romance” is a bit of a misnomer because the children running up and down the aisle are hardly anyone’s idea of romantic.

The entire distance from Odawara to Shinjuku is almost continuous city. The only difference is that the city gets much more dense as you approach Shinjuku until it reaches a critical mass of high rise buildings stacked on top of more high rise buildings. At Shinjuku station I switched to the Shonan Shinjuku line for the first time ever. It is a unique train in that it doesn’t have it’s own line, instead running on other passenger and freight lines. I was able to cover a lot of ground quickly until my destination at Omiya station. At Omiya I boarded the Tohoku Shinkansen for Koriyama.

I had never been to a Japanese city like Koriyama before. It is an inland city on a small plains area between mountains to the east and west. Unlike the greater Tokyo area, there is actually some (mostly) empty space before the next city starts. I was met at the station by Azeroth who took me for a brief walking tour of the area around the station and a stop at the 23rd floor of the planetarium building to get some city pictures.

The next order of business was getting beer and snacks at Don Kihote. One of Azeroth’s most valuable contributions as a roommate was his ability to recommend good snacks and drinks. We stocked up and went to his apartment to kill some time. His apartment was small, even for Japan. For those who work in an office, imagine the total space that 4 cubicles would take up. Now imagine that one of those cubicles was a bathroom, and the other 3 were an open space that functioned as the kitchen, dining room, living room and bedroom. That’s how small Azeroth’s apartment was. At this point I was very happy that I booked a hotel near the station for the evening.

And thus the drinking began.

We had a beer at the apartment and went to Azeroth’s current favourite place, an izakaya that was decorated in a 1950’s Tokyo theme. There were old movie posters everywhere and classic 50’s Japanese music was blasting out of the speakers. The izakaya was mostly full, but since Azeroth was a regular we were able to get counter seats. For traveling so far, Azeroth treated me to a 2 hour nomi-hodai (all you can drink) and izakaya food. I had 3 large beers and an excessive amount of meat on sticks before we got the last order warning. With my beer fueled Japanese language skills I asked the waitress for her recommendation. She recommended a peach fizz. Azeroth made fun of me in two languages for ordering a girl’s drink. It may have been a girl’s drink, but it was f**king delicious!

The next stop was a nearby modern styled bar. It was a Sunday night, so we were the only customers. The 3 bartenders knew Azeroth well and immediately started calling him by his nickname imoyaro, which could best be translated as “potato bastard”. We had a beer and then two special gin tonics. The karaoke microphones came out, and the staff encouraged the drunk gaijins to rock out. I pulled out classics like “Baby Got Back” and “Baby One More Time”, and then we got one of the bartenders to rock out on X Japan. At this point, despite me spilling half a drink, we decided that scotch was a good idea for some reason. Fortunately the remaining few sober brain cells that I had left suggested that it would be a good time to leave.

You know you are good friends with someone when you can go years without seeing them and then pick up right where you left off the last time. I am fortunate to know a few people like that before, during and after my Japanese adventures.

After the bar we had a slightly crooked walk to the convenience store for snacks and went to hang out at Azeroth’s place. Playing Call of Duty 3 is especially  difficult when hammered. Despite going on an impressive stabbing spree earlier on, it didn’t take long for me to get shot by the weakest enemies in the game, a sure sign to call it a night. Azeroth made sure that I got safely back to the hotel where the last few sober brain cells let me know that I should find out what the checkout time was.

New rule: if a hotel has a 10:00am checkout time they should have that in giant bold letters on the front of the building. 10:00 comes way too quickly when you have been out late drinking in the danger zone.

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Dom’s first day of work

With the Blog reboot this story won’t be happening for a while. So this is now a quick preview of upcoming content:

This happened in mid 2005 when I was teaching English in Mishima, Japan. On this particular day, a new teacher was starting. Let’s call him “Dom” from England. Dom didn’t know it at the time, but he was in for quite the first day of work.

We were in the office awaiting him to show up for his first shift. When he didn’t show up right away, I started to get a little concerned because you generally need a lot more time in your first week to get ready for lessons. Mhairi told me not to worry, she had given him good directions on how to get on the train, which way to go, and to leave the North exit of Mishima station. Unforunately for her, the school was on the South side of the train station. I took off towards the station, passed through to the North side and started looking for a lost foreigner. At the same time I was heading North, Dom had figured out his mistake and went South, passing me, and went to the school. I got a call and managed to get back in time for my lesson, sweating and out of breath.

Dom and I had the same dinner break, so I took him to the awesome noodle shop across the street from work. Having been in the country for about a year and a half at the time, I was quite good at using chopsticks to eat a bowl of steaming hot noodles and forgot that there were some people who might find this challenging. Dom somehow managed to eat about half of his soup, sharing generously with his tie.

When the other teachers showed up for the evening lessons I found out that there was going to be a big student party in the evening. Thinking that this would be a good opportunity to celebrate a new teacher arriving, I told Dom the details, leaving out the part that there would be a lot of students in attendance. Hanging out with students outside of the classroom was not allowed and could lead to anything from a reprimand to termination. After work we took the train to Fuji station and I filled him in on the way to the karaoke place.

Karaoke was a total gong show. For those who don’t know, karaoke in Japan is usually all you can drink. There were about 20 people in the room and we were all making good use of the drink ordering phone.

One of the fun things to do when you are young and drunk in Japan is room hopping. The idea is that you grab a beer and start visiting the other rooms. The best way is to just open the door, yell “KANPAI” and then see if anyone will clink your beer. Sometimes you get a good response, sometimes you get politely shooed out the door. Mhairi, Dom and I made the rounds. We always sent Mhairi in first because very few people will turn away a hot blond Scottish girl. The last room we came to was the exception to the rule. The women ignored Mhairi and literally dragged Dom and I into the room. The (less than impressed) Japanese guys went out into the hall to talk to Mhairi. One of the ladies started talking to me in rapid fire drunken Japanese, of which I understood about 40% of. She slowed down and asked me how old I thought she was. This is a fantastically dangerous question at the best of times. I figured mid to late 30s, so I said 28. This was apparently the correct answer. She leaned in and whispered in my ear that her son was 18 and her daughter was 15. I tried to recover from my shock by telling her that I didn’t have any kids. She asked if I was married, I said no, and then she jammed the microphone in my hand and made me sing. While I was singing she wrote down her phone number and jammed it in my shirt pocket.

I looked over to see how Dom was dealing with all of this, only to notice that his woman had very busy hands and decided to put her phone number in his front pants pocket. After forcing him to sing Abba we eventually found a way to escape the room and rejoin the other group.

The rest of the night was mostly incident free. I don’t know how Dom could have had a more eventful first day of work. For me, it was one of the last times I ever went room hopping. And for the record, no, I did not call the lady.

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